Are you a picky feeder? - Sofie De Niet

There I was, nearly 3 years ago, helping my toddler in our hotel bathroom, telling him that it might be harder to poo because he ate too many of those cookies at the buffet.

What I said wasn’t exactly true, because our transit is more complex than my one-liner. The truth was …

I could not resist pushing my nutritional agenda, even – or especially – on holidays.
I was using fear-based education as part of my ambition to get him to eat less so-called unhealthy cookies, exposing him to the harmful message that ‘if you eat this, something bad will happen to you’.
I was ignoring the impact of his overall eating pattern, consisting of different meals per day, different components per meal, and different ingredients per recipe.

Then why did I say it? Well, because loved him and I wanted him to fall in love with fruits, veggies, and other plant-based goodies while deleting processed foods from our menu. My love for him made me very afraid. Afraid of – let’s face it – cookies. Afraid about the sugar, raising his glycemia. Afraid about all the palm oil, additives and artificial things. About the white flour, adding up empty calories. Afraid about making him sick, empty, or sad, not living up to his potential.

Shaken by this cocktail of food fears, I found myself micromanaging my son’s food intake. I had so many (good) reasons to do that! But the truth was, I became a very picky feeder. I only PICKED those foods I had wisely selected and approved by me, having checked all the food labels. And if he somehow ate something I felt less comfortable with, I ended up saying these harmful things – like that it might affect his poo. To avoid him making the same mistakes I made. To avoid pain. To give him the best start in life. To keep him safe from the industry’s latest tricks to make him uncontrollable when he’s eating processed foods. It was my best shot to keep him safe.

What if I told you that – in my opinion – picky eating could also be about safety? After all, toddlers get a taste of freedom. Also here in our village in Djerba, where we spend our summer, my son runs wildly from house to house. Just this morning, I had no idea in which house he was playing in. But I knew he was fine. Looking back on it, I’m happy started to be picky. I’m happy he stopped putting everything in his mouth, like his younger baby brother still does. I’m happy he did not eat any wild berries, flowers, or plants, before seeing someone else eat them (or only touching and smelling them, carefully).

So, what if there is a middle way? A place where both of you – your picky eater and yourself as a picky feeder, both seeking safety – can meet in the middle? How would that feel? I think it would feel GREAT. If this resonates, I invite you to take a look at my Family Food Flow, my new group membership for parents.